study + dying = studying

0h my goodness... ~

I found myself again under pressure to go out and go to my campus.. it so tiresome that i sometimes want to sleep and wake up no more. but, i know, waiting always has an essence. i just hope i could finish again

. i want to rest! every time classes open, i always feel restless. i need to be serious. i only have one 'opponent' here in campus and that is myself. i should compete to them(my classmate) and put my best foot forward if i dont' want to fail. i should. i really should.

towards this end ?? i think it is wrong if i would only say that studying is tedious, because infact, i had & i am having great times or fun as well! how? the competitions, the adrenaline rush every time i go up at the stage, the smile i give to my lovers and other people, the silly projects, and so many, many, many (as in many!) things!

that's one of the many reasons why we should be grateful to be given the opportunity to study...

i love to study but in the same time im dying.... (XX,)

hepi 21st birthday ihsan

and ama too.... ~27 july
.........................1988 - 2009

27th of JULY every year i have celebrated my birthday until today.. since 27th july 1989 i was CELEBRATED ma 1st year birthday until today 27th july 2009 my 21st year birthday.. i thanks ALLAH for everything i got.. family.. buddies and enemies(maybe l0r)~.. lovers and haters go0d and bad things.. All of this things created 1 sentence - 'i am who i am'-

PREETY GoOD
So, today I am about to turn...*cough*, *sputter*, *cough*. Let's just say I am about to turn an age that doesn't make me jump up and down, shall we? The thing is...I don't really *feel* that age. Now..granted...upon occasion I do....but not normally. And people never guess my age to be what it is...so I guess I am blessed with pretty good genes or something in that respect.

All that said...I guess I just didn't think...’this’ is where I'd be at this age...ya know? I thought I'd be more settled.....have my head screwed on more straight. Have i finish covered my subjects?? and at the very least know for sure what I wanted to be what I grow up. Heck...I should be ready to retire soon from BEING whatever it is I want to be...and I haven't even figured it totally out yet.

MY LIFE is MY TIME with MY FRIENDS
I know I am blessed in so many ways. My friends are my world. I can't even begin to imagine my life without my friends. Even though sometimes my friendships with others obviously haven't worked...I think I've learned something from each one. Some of them...it was a hard lesson to learn...but it was a lesson learned none-the-less.

WANT or NEED
Last night as I was laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, for whatever reason...that song "I thank God for unanswered prayers" popped into my head. So then I tried to think...ok...what prayers am I thankful that ALLAH didn't answer the way I wanted Him to? I mean...at the time..we seem to think we know just how things should work...but often realize later...nope.. some people said " all we have to do to make God laugh, is tell him our plans"… so that’s mean we don’t know what will happened in the future and always hope that ALLAH give us what we want and not what we need but we always blame ALLAH when He give us something that we don’t want but actually it’s what we need..

LIFE
But yet...I am the kind of person that likes to feel in control of things to some extent. I hate when I feel that things are totally out of my control. I don't mean with God...but....to feel like..I have no idea where my life is going...and like it is just sort of stuck...or going no where....or on repeat mode....it gets so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like...I really don't require all that much to be happy....when is it going to be my turn? When does all the crap stop?

So...I'm choosing to believe that this shocking number of a birthday is going to be a time of change. It means it is going to be a time of new things....of happiness....of laughter....of nothing but the best is yet to come.

WISHES
all what i want as a present for my birthday is i wanna see ama n ummi halimatun again.. even though in my dream i don't mind as long as i can see them again im very happy... this wishes is what i wish in all my prayer... i always miss u both ~


please comment HERE too.. thanks yah (^^,)

'g0dbye' form the school ~

...................Sir Ghazali bin Omar in a mem0ries..................

I talked alone about...who knows what??... about 1 words- ‘goodbye’..I remembered back to when i was just a little boy.I remember the day that we met. U came into my class and introduced your name and teach us English.. but now just thinking about you, I closed ma eyes and let alone seeing you in my mind, felt so glorious as emotions so intense.. made me feel like…(speechless-sori)! You were so kind and simple, not to mention your clean face...

This story is about my Allahyarham Sir Ghazali

he is died at 9.40pm,Wednesday 22 of july 2009..

death reason : severe pneumonia …

He is the 6^th who is saying goodbye and they all have a connection with ma school..

1^st- Mohsin(my senior) ……………….may 09

2^nd-Hamzani’s(my batch) dad.. …………..may 09

3^rd-Ummi Halimatun(my bm teacher).. ………..14^th may 09

4^th-Muhammad Ammar(classmate).. …………..10^th jun 09

5^th-Afifi’s(classmate) br0ther.. …………………jun 09

And the latest

6^th-Sir Ghazali(my bi teacher)……..22 july 09

latest news(edit)

7th-Sir Zainuddin(my khb teacher)..10 sept 09

Family…(big family)

1^st-ma grandmother’s brother………feb 09

2^nd-aunty-in-law for ma aunty ……..march 09

3^rd-ma aunty’s causin …………april 09

people always said to me “Okay, you need to say goodbye now because you aren't going to be able to see them again." Guys just don't understand!! I was so close to losing it! I fought back tears harder than ever now. I told myself over and over, "No, I'm sure we'll be able to see them again before they leaves, of course we will! No, I'll see them again," but it was useless. My wishfull thinking couldn't change ALLAH's plan. It was His plan, so it had to be the right one, I just couldn't help but wish there was a different option. I don't remember what I did or said. I don't know if we hugged, or if I even remembered to say goodbye, but either way, it was goodbye. Goodbye ummi Halimatun.. Muhammad Ammar.. and Sir Ghazali !!! My wishfull thinking couldn't change anything… and im soo sad but i freely admitted my fated~

for anybody who is thinking that this year is ‘the year of the death’ coz of what happened in your life, you can share with me your story.. coz we got a same fated…~

am i a sweet talker ??

when i was young i meet many people in my life and i always watch pe0ple personality.. what i learn from it is i can read a people body language.. it's very interesting.. i swear !! i can play with people emotion.. i can make them feel happy, sad, angry or guilty ..

it's very easy to make people like me.. i just make them smile and happy, laugh together with them.. and about girls.. it's very easy to trick them to like me.. i am n0t do something bad but i just apply a knowledge.. it's mean what all i do is i just give what their heart desire.. it's not hard to give what they want because all what they want is hear a good things about them.. i just praise them with what make a sense even though it's not true but they like it.. yah it's good...

and the very important thing how to make them like me so much is a take care.. a simple words but it work( very perfect ).. as we know mostly girls need a attention from others.. they can solve their pr0blem them self but they still want to tell people their problem.. just want pe0ple to listen their problem and they will feel batter.. and im a good listener and they trust me.. that makes they like me so much.. but when they like me so much i'll go far away from them.. actually i don't like people if they like me so much (so don't like me so much ok) ..why u all girls always like that huh~

so the problem is am i a sweet talker ?? because i just want to make people surround me happy with me.. this entry is belong to girls who is think that im a sweet talker and for anybody who is like me so much(please don't).. and for all you guys if you want to says something just comment and i'll hit you back yah =)

p/s: still in broken engilsh =P

if u says your life is sucks you're wrong.. so shut up !!

I wish to write of They. "They" don't want me to make Kit a martyr. They wish the best for me, I believe, but isn't it funny how everyone's idea of what's best is conceived by their own notions? Maybe people miss the old me and want me back - the role I played anyway. I am different now. I act much the same superficially as old habits die hard. But the amalgamation has configured itself readily into a new shape. One I am not necessarily proud of - how can you be proud of being the result of an ugly choice in which you had no say? but one of necessity.
Though my eyes lay low often with heavy weeping wisps of sadness, they shine fully now. A deep glimmer of which there was only before a small sparkle, the hint of, before. Though the sounds we use to communicate are often ill-chosen in haste (retaliation? irritation? anger?) they can sing with emotion now. Though the hand

that often terrified

of a desire to swing from hitting to caress the sting behind any desire to hurt is absent, and though the hand that loved to caress is now celibate, its touch is gentle, healing.
Worlds often collide in my fixation. My mind is a simmering stew of activity, exploring new chasms and worlds and ideas and emotions. I do not deny that I am not always good. I hurt others, intentionally and not sometimes. But I live.
. If we continue to glow - I have a life here to learn and hopefully grow wiser.
I hope they’re not waiting for me forever under the red tree, like the dogs are waiting for j0hn at the Rainbow Bridge. I can't bear the thought. I may not come, ever. Then again I just may follow it to my home…but this story is bef0re ama died…

I think it's time for me to stop complaining about my life!

Writing aina izzaty’s story was certainly eye-opening for me. Now, that is a girl who has had a BAD year! And yet, she isn't complaining.just confided. In fact, she's grateful for the good stuff coming her way now.

In honor of aina, I am making a pledge to myself and the world. I am going to concentrating on the things I am grateful for. I'd spend more, but honestly I think here is where I can start! Hopefully I'll work my way up...

I've only been awake for a little while today. But, here's what I'm grateful for this morning.

My awesome friend-ama. He's away so far from me now," There are a lot of reasons to be grateful for ama. Today, I am grateful that I miss him and for the memories we’re having together. Missing him rekindles my spark and reminds me of how much he brings to my daily life and how much important he is to me

When I first started writing stories about ama, I didn't really think about what kind of impact my blog would have on me. Getting to know a bit about all these wonderful people, having them share their stories with me and… it's all pretty amazing..

Then I writing about a tattoo, I get a feedback that support and give their advise to me. Thanked for listening and the advised. I have learned SO much from everyone, I am so grateful for knowing them even this tiny bit.

So, for you all at outside. If you still complain about your life is not perfect or “I should be like them” or “why my life is so hard”..please think it twise.. All we do is shout to ALLAH s.w.t whole day and blame everyone else for our multiple failures?? Why not we search for solution?? If your life like this please don’t worry. Your life would be better soon. What all you need is always pray to ALLAH s.w.t, work hard and after that tawakal to ALLAH s.w.t..

so after everything happen and you never praise ALLAH s.w.t,then izrail come to see you.. you apologies and appeal ALLAH s.w.t for giving a second change to live again and

(two situation-choose 1)

1-you get it... what would U do?? or

2-you are not get it but you can choose 1 place(only 1 ok) to die. which place in this earth you desire ???

(and give me your honest comment )

about TATTOO - why it is banned ??? !!! (answer me please)

to all my viewer says smthing at my cmmnt.. anything... thanks
-criestz


I just want to ask anybody of u guys why making a tattoo is banned.. I know ALLAH s.w.t f0rbid a tattoo on human.. what all I know ab0ut why a tattoo is banned is because of ink to create a tattoo we put on our skin.. so we can’t purify our self because ink of a tattoo block a water fr0m touch our skin..but in this time a tattoo is a marking made by inserting ink into the layers of skin to change the pigment for decorative or other reasons... so water can touch our skin and we can purify our self clean as we go..when I saw people created a tattoo I always want to create a tattoo too.. it nice, cool and it has a benefit in my social relationship n for me tattoo on humans are a type of decorative body modification..i’m n0t doubt a rules what ALLAH s.w.t has been created because I know it has a big disadvantages.. I just always thinking what is the big disadvantages of created a tattoo.. I just want to make my heart calm then i’ll n0t create a tattoo.. I already asked ma teacher about why I can’t make a tattoo but she just said tattoo is banned n I was f0rbidden to create a tattoo.. even though I obey her orders but deep inside my heart I always asked myself why tattoo is banned ?? that is not the answer I want to hear.. many pe0ple I asked n many place I was search until now but I still n0t get the answer I want.. so I try to make a hope that anybody can give me the answer that I can accept.. my pleasure to thanks u all…

for de answer of ma questi0n n this is de beh answer i g0t.. actually dis answer already post 2 years ago before i ask dis question.. can visit doc faizal

and for the disadvantages u can klik here-thanks to humyra

p/s: sp0ken english .. gaaa~

gambar tentang ama ( FINISH UPLOAD )

p/s: im so sori t0 all u guys f0r da late upload this video n n0w alhamdulillah.. to all of u together we give AL-FATIHAH to allahyarham MUHAMMAD AMMAR ZULKIFLI as our respect to him.. thanks al0t..