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Monday, July 27, 2009

hepi 21st birthday ihsan

and ama too.... ~27 july
.........................1988 - 2009

27th of JULY every year i have celebrated my birthday until today.. since 27th july 1989 i was CELEBRATED ma 1st year birthday until today 27th july 2009 my 21st year birthday.. i thanks ALLAH for everything i got.. family.. buddies and enemies(maybe l0r)~.. lovers and haters go0d and bad things.. All of this things created 1 sentence - 'i am who i am'-

So, today I am about to turn...*cough*, *sputter*, *cough*. Let's just say I am about to turn an age that doesn't make me jump up and down, shall we? The thing is...I don't really *feel* that age. Now..granted...upon occasion I do....but not normally. And people never guess my age to be what it is...so I guess I am blessed with pretty good genes or something in that respect.

All that said...I guess I just didn't think...’this’ is where I'd be at this age...ya know? I thought I'd be more settled.....have my head screwed on more straight. Have i finish covered my subjects?? and at the very least know for sure what I wanted to be what I grow up. Heck...I should be ready to retire soon from BEING whatever it is I want to be...and I haven't even figured it totally out yet.

I know I am blessed in so many ways. My friends are my world. I can't even begin to imagine my life w
ithout my friends. Even though sometimes my friendships with others obviously haven't worked...I think I've learned something from each one. Some of them...it was a hard lesson to learn...but it was a lesson learned none-the-less.

Last night as I was laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, for whatever reason...that song "I thank God for unanswered prayers" popped into my head. So then I tried to think...ok...what prayers am
I thankful that ALLAH didn't answer the way I wanted Him to? I mean...at the time..we seem to think we know just how things should work...but often realize later...nope.. some people said " all we have to do to make God laugh, is tell him our plans"… so that’s mean we don’t know what will happened in the future and always hope that ALLAH give us what we want and not what we need but we always blame ALLAH when He give us something that we don’t want but actually it’s what we need..

But yet...I am the kind of person
that likes to feel in control of things to some extent. I hate when I feel that things are totally out of my control. I don't mean with God...but....to feel like..I have no idea where my life is going...and like it is just sort of stuck...or going no where....or on repeat mode....it gets so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like...I really don't require all that much to be happy....when is it going to be my turn? When does all the crap stop?

So...I'm choosing to believe that this shocking number of a birthday is going to be a time of change. It means it is going to be a time of new things....of happiness....of laughter....of nothing b
ut the best is yet to come.

all what i want as a present for my birthday is i wanna see ama n ummi halimatun again.. even though in my dream i don't m
ind as long as i can see them again im very happy... this wishes is what i wish in all my prayer... i always miss u both ~

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